Boracay: The World’s Most Beautiful Tourist Death Trap

Boracay. What can I say about it that hasn’t already been said?

It’s gorgeous.

It’s stunning.

It’s breath-taking.

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Famous Boracay Sunset

It’s one of the biggest tourist traps I’ve ever been to on Earth. (And I’ve been to Dollywood…twice…)

No, really. The reason I booked time in Boracay Island in the first place was I wanted a beautiful place to sit on the beach, drink margaritas and read my book.

If that’s what you want to do, Boracay is perfect for that. I ended up loving my time here. Because I did exactly those things. If that’s not your vibe or you want something more authentically Filipino, don’t come here.

If you want to get wasted on the beach, like I did, then this is your place.

I stayed the first couple nights at Mad Monkey hostel. This is the party hostels to end all party hostels.  The bar is cheap and crowded with your fellow hostel mates and they bump jams every day/night from 11:30/12:30. There are lots of activities you can sign up for and the staff is always there trying to make sure you have good time.

I hated it. lol.

Okay I didn’t hate it but remember in my last post how I said I was sad?

Well I was extra sad here, watching everyone have a great time, while I just felt lonely, sad and stupid. And anyone who drinks alcohol knows that drinking can just make those feelings of lonely, sad and stupid feel a MILLION TIMES WORSE. I could literally feel myself drinking myself into a black hole of despair. No beneuo.

So after a lot of hemming and hawing about what I should do. I did the sensible thing. I checked out of there and into a hotel. A basic bare bones cheap hotel, but a place with air conditioning, room service and an ensuite bathroom. A place where I could read my book and watch TLC in peace and quiet. Once I wasn’t surrounded by alcohol and weird pressure to have a good time, I felt better. Still sad about leaving but better equipped to handle and confront my sadness.

And I feel bad because Mad Monkey is actually a really good hostel. Really clean, comfortable beds, fantastic staff, a great atmosphere, but for me, at that time, it was not the environment I needed to be in to take care of my emotional health. I know that sounds kind of dramatic and dumb…but come on guys, we all know that my personality is kind of dramatic and dumb hahaha.

And like I said, before I think I am going to be sad for a while so I am also using this trip to work on strategies to deal with sadness not ignore it.

Okay, enough with the emotional sob story. Here is what I actually DID my 5 days in Boracay:

BOAT PARTY

Before I checked out of Mad Monkey I went on their Boat Party, and this was one of my favorite parts about the hostel. It’s a boat hopping party with unlimited alcohol. The boat itself is kind of lame but the actually party is on the island’s they take you too. First we went to Crystal Cove Resort. There was some cliff diving that was pretty fun and plenty of vodka sprites for those who needed some liquid courage. The next place was a secluded beach on Boracay itself. It had beautiful white sand and was the perfect place to watch the sunset. The staff made the party. Be careful not get caught drinking your drink in your right hand…the staff would make you chug your drink via beer bong if that was the case.

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Boat Party Shenanigans

PUKA SHELL BEACH

A secluded beach on the north end of the island I loved spending time here. Way less people than White Beach, the sand is filled with Puka Shells. It’s far enough away that you have to take a trike, but there are plenty on the main road and everyone knows where the beach is. I spent majority of my time here just laying on my towel sleeping, drinking fresh coconut water, and reading The Other Boleyn Girl. (This book is trash if anyone is wondering.)

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BILABONG BEACH

Another beach, the closest to Mad Monkey and near some nice going out places. This is where I went after Mad Monkey closed it’s bar for nightlife.

WHITE BEACH

The main attraction. The whole show. White Beach is where all the tourist magic of Boracay happens. Dominated by vendors and different solicitors, as you walk down the beach you will be accosted by people asking you to buy things.  Despite this it is still a really REALLY beautiful place. I went to one cafe on White Beach which is worth mentioning, the Sunny Side Up Cafe. I had a Mango Chia Seed Lychee bowl which was absolutely gorgeous and delicious.

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And basically I spent my time eating, drinking and reading in those areas. Not much else to write. It’s a beautiful place, really and truly, I see why people call it the best beach in the world. It rivals the ones in the Caribbean and honestly I can’t think of one that I have been to that is better.

If you go in with no expectations of an authentic Filipino experience and just want a beach vacation…a BEAUTIFUL beach vacation…then Boracay is the place for you!

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Mary Hart says:

    Also read The Other Boleyn Girl, however, was not fortunate enough to read it relaxing on Boracay’s beautiful beaches. Need to add the experience to my bucket list!

    Like

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